The Gun by Fuminori Nakamura

Author:Fuminori Nakamura
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, azw3
Tags: Crime Fiction
Publisher: Soho Press
Published: 2015-10-26T18:02:02+00:00

10

IT WAS DEFINITELY the first time I had been to the university at night. The orange glow of the outdoor lights shone on the surroundings, and cast the buildings in a dim ochre silhouette. Light came from several windows, suggesting that there were still people inside. I assumed they were gathered for some kind of activity or group; there were people around outside as well, some of them couples with arms linked. For whatever reason, Yuko Yoshikawa had said that she wanted to walk around campus. I’d tried to get her to go somewhere for a drink, but she said that she felt like being somewhere quiet. I bought two cans of hot coffee from a vending machine and handed one to Yuko. She thanked me, although she seemed sort of depressed. I asked her repeatedly what was wrong, but she wouldn’t tell me. I got tired of asking, and decided to light a cigarette. As I nonchalantly brushed over the outside of my jacket where the gun was, I thought about what we might do now.

She spoke at last. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m not much company tonight. I don’t know, I can’t really put in into words, but sometimes I get like this. For no reason, just, you know? But it’s good for me to be with someone. I don’t like to let anyone see me when I’m like this but, well, I didn’t want to be alone. I’m not even sure what I’m talking about, but hey, thanks.”

She popped the tab on the coffee I had given her and took a sip.

“No, I’m the one who invited you out, right?—some friends were going out drinking, and they had their girlfriends with them, so I just thought, if you were free—but, no, it’s fine. I don’t really feel like drinking either.”

“What? Are you sure? You mean, you were with them? Are you sure it’s all right?”

“Don’t worry about it—when I heard your voice, I could tell something was wrong, so I decided to change my plans.”

“But what about seeing them?”

“It’s fine—they’re with their girlfriends, they can drink with them.”

I was a little disappointed that she was wearing jeans. Again I wondered about what to do now, then decided that we shouldn’t do anything. As I looked over her hair, which grazed her shoulders, her wide eyes, and her breasts, whose outline I could still make out through her sweatshirt, I imagined having sex with her. But because I had decided to take my time getting there, I tried as best I could to direct my attention elsewhere. Even though it didn’t really seem to matter, I figured I would keep trying to take it slow.

“What about your boyfriend, can’t you talk to him about it?”

“Boyfriend? I don’t have one. Not even.”

“You don’t? Come on, don’t lie.”

“I’m not lying. I mean, I don’t need anyone right now. I’m sick of it. I’m done. I don’t need anyone anymore. It seems like a waste of time. I mean, I feel worn out, and like, guys just don’t understand.

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